Glaring Health Code Violations

Moving

2009-03-23T05:23:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone - glaring health code violations is now at wordpress!

http://ghcv.wordpress.com/

Tell your friends!

Almost Killed Me

2008-12-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, sorry for the lack of content recently. I'm in the midst of grad school crunch time, and piled on top of the holidays, something had to give - for the last week or so, that's been this blog. I'll be posting regularly again by late next week, and once the first of the year rolls in and things settle down, regular posts and new features will be the order of the day. Hooray, The Future!

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

2008-11-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

What have I been doing instead of working on grad school admissions paperwork, like I should be? I've been building towers, bridges and simple machines from enormous, sticky, elated looking amoebas in World of Goo, that's what.

My latest digital addiction, World of Goo is one of a recent crop of games (like iPhone app Enigma) that is compelling in it's simplicity. It's a sprightly puzzle game that borrows ideas from mid-90's PC puzzlers like Lemmings and The Incredible Machine. Each level is essentially the same - your goal is to lead a small army of Goos, the sole inhabitants of each sprightly, garishly colored level, to a pipe that will transport them to a collection tube and open the next level. To do this, you turn a portion the legions of critters you've been entrusted with into structures, machines and simple vehicles to transport their brethren to the promised land.

The game play is inspired with a shallow learning curve and a lot of room for mastery. A variety of tasks await solving at the hands of skills most of us haven't used since building toothpick bridges and pasta towers in middle school science classes. Laced with with whimsical dark humor and set against beautifully designed stages that call to mind Johnen Vasquez working with Doug Sirk's palette, World of Goo is simple enough to provide a few minutes of time filling puzzle fun to break up the day, but fun and challenging enough to be addictive. Though according to the substance abuse professionals at Dutch rehab center Smith and Jones, addictive probably isn't the right term.

The Unceasing Nightmare That Is... Winners and Losers

2008-11-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

This week has seen significantly more winners than losers. But does that make it a good week? I'll let you be the judge of that. Submitted for your approval, this week's winners and losers, starting, as is becoming habitual, with the winners.

American Comedy - On the frozen tundra of Minnesota, former SNL scribe Al Franken continues to close the narrow gap between himself and incumbent Norm Coleman in the North Star States hotly contested senatorial race. The state mandated recount is drawing plenty of fire from both sides of the aisle, and this one will likely go right down to the wire. But really, whether or not Franken will make a good Senator is not the reason to root for him here. Rather, as a friend of mine pointed out, anything that keeps Al busy with something that's not writing comedy is, by default, a good thing for the world at the end of the day. So hold a good thought that every one's favorite nasally voiced progressive pulls this one out.

Disfigured Dudes - As many of us suspected, Evel Knievel was right all along - studies at the University of Liverpool demonstrate that women looking for flings find facial scarring attractive in men. Why? Because it demonstrates high levels of testosterone, a hormone long associated with a subject's overall dudeliness. And since we already know that bones heal and pain is fleeting, can an in depth study of whether glory is, in fact, forever, be far behind? Not in a world of responsible science, it can't.

Transplant Patients - Claudia Castillo Sanchez has a new lease on life thanks to a first of it's kind windpipe transplant. What's so special about this particular fleshy tube? Well, if the transplant had been done conventionally, Sanchez's body would likely have rejected the organ. But after Spanish doctors bathed the trachea in stem cells obtained from Sanchez's own cartilage, the 30 year old tuberculosis victim's body had the desired reaction; it mistook the donor trachea for Sanchez's own, and welcomed it to a happy home without complication to thanks to the staggering knuckle-draggers at budget airline Easy Jet. So let's hear three cheers for a possible end to those incredibly fucking scary trachea ring microphones, everyone!

Stoners - While gingko biloba may not ward off the effects of Alzheimer's, a University of Ohio study suggests that another herb known to work wonders on the human psyche may have one more use. Indeed, far from bringing on bouts of reefer madness, marijuana, like crossword puzzles, may fight the effects of memory loss and even promote the production of new brain cells. Take that, every after school special and guidance counselor ever!

Pygmy Tarsiers - If people thought that you were extinct, and it turned out... not so much? You get counted as a winner. Congratulations to the pygmy tarsier, which has suction cup fingers, can swivel it's head 180 degrees, looks like a living stuffed animal, and has not vanished from the face of the earth after all. Good on, little guys!

And now, for this week's loser:

The Entire Fucking Human Race – The end is nigh! Repent all ye sinners, for the time of judgment is at hand! I know sometimes it seems like everything is out to get us, but right now, it really, really seems like everything is out to get us. First of all, remember those robots in the Terminator flicks? Well, if IBM has it's way, computers that mimic human brain patterns, but, naturally, in an enhanced manner will be pulling the puppet strings of our pitiful, fleshy society sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, Antarctica continues to threaten the safety of the planet by the mere fact of it's existence. Evidence of dark matter has been found by a helium balloon floating above Antarctica. While this may be evidence of cosmic beams, dark matter, or something else entirely, one thing is for sure - something (we don't know what) that's fairly close to the Earth is emitting particles that we've never seen before. While this isn't necessarily dangerous in itself, taken in conjunction with this ill-advised trek to Antarctica's ice encrusted, unexplored mountain range, this is almost certainly evidence of a coming cosmic disaster of mind-bending, flesh rending proportions. And if we can somehow defeat legions of rubbery, betentacled star spawn and mad super-computers bent on world domination, we're all probably still doomed. That's because, a few Birkenstock clad trust-funders aside, we all eat food that's covered in pesticides. A new report issued by the University of Pittsburgh warns that some common pesticides may be reasonably safe on their own, but may pose a threat to human health when even they are combined, even at low levels. So, from now on, if you can help it, it would probably be safer for you to not eat anything from anywhere, use an electronic device, or be on the same planet as Antarctica. Cheers!

Back With A Boom

2008-11-20T09:50:00.000-08:00

GHCV is back from a GRE induced break with the good stuff that readers come for - poop jokes. Enormous, sea bound poop jokes, like this footage, courtesy of the BBC, of a whale shark expelling food waste, caught for the first time on camera. Why no one has tried to capture video of a whale shark dropping the kids off at the world's biggest pool will remain a mystery, but researcher Mark Meekan was as excited as all get out to collect the footage. Meekan also collected a sample of stool from the world's biggest fish that he described as "scientific gold." To each their own, I guess.

In other news pertaining to the base biological behavior of natures most perfect killing machines, researchers working with the Census of Marine Life speculate that they may have found an isolated spot in the Pacific Ocean that may serve as a singles bar for great white sharks. The spot draws young male and female sharks from the coastal waters of Mexico and California. Once there, they dive together in what scientists think may be part of a courtship ceremony.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn... or So I'm Told.

2008-11-15T23:21:00.000-08:00

I understand the urge to explore the last unexplored regions of the world. I do. And I get that exploring a huge mountain range buried underneath a sheet of ice is an exceptionally tempting scientific plum. But as anyone who knows their Lovecraft, this is simply not a good idea.

Nevertheless, Robin Bell intends to do just that. Bell, a marine geophysicist, will lead an expedition to the Gamburtsev Mountains later this month, purportedly to "image and to understand the ice sheet and the mountain range." And I'm sure that she doesn't want to unleash a flood of repulsive ghouls from beyond the stars upon an unprepared world while she does that. But the most basic tenets of the Cthulu mythos tell us that almost nothing else can happen when well intentioned scientists go poking their noses in places feared by the Elder Things.

Bell will keep in touch with Scientific American during her trip, no doubt until the team's last transmission breaks up amid blood-curdling screams and pleas for mercy. But hey, that first Shoggoth sighting is going to be pure media gold... for like ten minutes, until the awakened beasts rush free from their bleak prison at the bottom of the planet, turning the world into a charnel house where the living envy the dead. That's something, right?

The Further Adventures of Winners and Losers

2008-11-14T09:38:00.000-08:00

What's this? A recurring feature? I'm as surprised as you are. Without further ado, I present this weeks winners and losers.

First, the winners:
AIDS Patients - A Berlin man who suffered from HIV and leukemia shows no signs of either disease after an experimental gene therapy in which he received a bone marrow transplant from an HIV resistant donor. As with any good news about treatments for terminal diseases, this news needs to be taken with a grain of salt, and the results may eventually turn out be a total fluke. But they may also be a big step toward saving a lot of lives the world over. So what's the harm in being guardedly optimistic and giving this one three cheers?

Adolescent Thugs - Why are kids so cruel sometimes? Turns out, the answer may be astonishingly simple: because it feels good. A recent University of Chicago study of aggressive youths showed that, when the subjects were shown video footage of people being hurt, the parts of their brain that reacts to rewards lit up like a Christmas tree. The same results were not repeated in non-aggressive subjects, suggesting that these results do demonstrate some neurological difference rather than a 'Three Stooges effect,' in which subjects feel rewarded by watching people have a piano lid closed on their fingers because... well, it's sort of hilarious.

Astrozeneca - The pharmaceutical giant with the coolest name was a big winner this week when a study suggested that popular cholesterol reducing statin drugs like AZ's Crestor could dramatically lower the risk of heart attacks and strokes, even in people who don't have high cholesterol. With sites like ABC practically wetting themselves over the study (which, by the way, was sponsored by Astrozeneca and was ended early), sales are bound to skyrocket as doctors are deluged with patients demanding they be fed a drug designed to treat an ailment they don't suffer from. And if history is any teacher, these people will get it. The only question is whether the coming drastic over-prescription of statin drugs will have any negative effects. I mean, what could go wrong?

And now for the rest of the story - this weeks losers:

Stupid America Hating Whales - The Supreme Court of the United States has issued a decision this week stating that national security trumps environmental protection. National security here is represented by Navy sonar testing that was halted by a lower court earlier this year after the sonar noise was proven detrimental to the health of local whales. According to SCOTUS, though, the whales, who have been known to suffer from decompression sickness after being driven too swiftly to the surface by the cacophony produced by sonar, are on their own. The Navy, by the same token is now free to keep broadcasting the sweet sounds of pure, uncut sonar freedom into the ocean, and you can bet they're cranking those speakers this week as they train to detect the latest generation of silent running submarines almost certainly destined for our shores right now, using pods of communist gray whales for cover.

Russian Churches - Now, I'm an avowed agnostic, if you can be such a thing. I'm also a fairly morally bankrupt guy. But even I have to draw the line somewhere, and it seems like stealing an entire church is just a bit much. I mean, really, you have to be incredibly fucking certain that there is no God to pull something like this, which is becoming more and more common throughout Russia.

The Maldives - And while a few Russian villages might have to invest in new churches, that really does pale in comparison to having to buy an entire new country. That's the situation that the Maldives, the lowest nation in the world, finds themselves in. With climate change pushing sea levels further and further upwards, residents of the island nation are experiencing a distinct sinking feeling. The solution - buy a new country and move the Maldives there! Not to be flippant about a serious situation, but, well... Simpsons did it.

Parliament! Fight! Parliament! Fight!

2008-11-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

Eager to prove that monks aren't the only ones who can stage an ill conceived and ultimately embarassing brawl in a completely inappropriate setting, the Ukranian Parliament erupted into a row earlier this week.

The fight began when members of the Orange coalition tried to block Victor Yanukovich, the leader of the new parliaments majority coalition, from being named prime minister. Rather than using traditional parliamentary techniques like denying a quorum, however, Orange coalition members engaged in heckling and egg throwing before the chambers of Ukraine's upper house turned into a battle royal.

News Rundown: The Giant Sucking Sound, The Return of the King and a Girl's Two Best Friends

2008-11-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

I hope you're in the mood for ominous news, because there's plenty to go around these days. But where to start? How about these apples: a distant cluster of galaxies is moving at a regular, measurable speed independent of the expansion of the universe, leading some scientists to suspect that it is subject to the massive gravitational pull of matter beyond the observable universe. The phenomenon has been dubbed 'dark flow,' and, since it seems constant across billions of light years, there's good reason to suspect that it affects everything in the visible universe. Yes, even you. Pragmatically, this means astonishingly little, being that the effect works on a cosmic time scale, so by the time this has any effect on out galaxy, we'll all have been dead for eons.So that's something. But it does mean that the next time you have one of those days where you feel like you're being pulled inexorably towards a swirling, unknowable nether region... well, you might be onto something.

Jarring news like this is bound to send people scrambling for comfort and tradition. Nowhere is this more clear than Russia, which continued it's unnerving nostalgia for tsarist times this week as the nation's Duma assembly hurried to draft legislation, expected to be handily enacted into law tomorrow, that would extend the term of the Russian presidency from four to six years. This would allow Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to serve up to another twelve years as president, a move that is beginning to look like it may come sooner rather than later. Putin's official return to Russia's highest office was always a foregone conclusion, but it was generally accepted that he would allow current president Dmitry Medvedev to keep his seat warm for a full four year term. In the face of tough economic times and stressful relations with neighbors like Georgia and the international community at large, it would seem likely that the plan has changed, and some Kremlin experts expect that Putin may return to the presidency before the end of the year.

On the other hand, science has finally mastered that most sought after of all alchemical wonders... the transmutation of tequila into diamonds. Sure, you need an electron microscope to see the diamonds that are produced, but what do you really expect for a jewel that's been synthetically crafted from $3 a bottle hooch? Though considering the state of the economy at the moment, reversing the process may end up being more cost efficient and practical in not too long.

I'm on Standby

2008-11-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

After one last gasp of transmissions from Mars just over a week ago, the latest NASA probe, Phoenix, seems to have finally succumbed to the overwhelming cold and darkness of the approaching martian winter.

The mission, which lasted about two months longer than anyone expected and gathered a wealth of new information on Mars' polar region, was a success by any measure, recording snowfall on Mars as well as analyzing soil and ice samples that suggest a history of liquid water on Mars. But with no sunlight to power its solar batteries, it's more than likely that Phoenix has, at this point, become a permanent part of the equally dead martian landscape, prompting the cessation of operations today by NASA officials, who, like a bad ex, will continue to call regularly, not really expecting the probe to answer.

Gladiators...Ready!

2008-11-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

In an apparent attempt to beat back the beast known as Hulu, MGM reached a deal with YouTube today to provide full length films and TV shows from the the MGM archives on the seminal video sharing site.

Getting to watch TV for free on the Internet is more or less yesterday's news at this point, and this would be too, except for one thing. MGM's first addition to YouTube will be an "action programming" channel whose flagship show will be classic episodes of the original run of American Gladiators. So for everyone who's been watching the relaunch and saying "Yeah, this is cool, but all I really want to see is Nitro freak out and absolutely wreck a dude at the end of Breakthrough and Conquer," your time is at hand.

One more note on this happy bit of staged-violence flavored news - I don't know who is responsible for sending out the MGM press releases that all the news organizations are regurgitating that note that two classic movies to be shown on YouTube courtesy of the deal are The Magnificent Seven and Bulletproof Monk. In point of fact, that constitutes one classic movie and one absolute suckfest starring Stifler, which has no business being mentioned in the same sentence as the greatest Western of all time.

Now Challenging Maxim for Bathroom Reading Supremacy

2008-11-09T21:01:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found yourself wondering just what the difference between blackwater and graywater? How to modify your ho-hum outhouse into a fabulous fossa alterna? Or are you finally ready to install your own septic system, but don't know where to start?

Look no further than the brand new Compendium of Sanitation Systems and Technologies, a free 158 page tome with more information on the staggering, gag inducing rainbow of diversity that is human waste and it's various methods of disposal than any work of literature since Everyone Poops. From humble holes in the ground to sophisticated sewer systems, the Compendium is the ultimate 'How-To' on sanitation technology, breaking down the pros and cons of every type of toilet, waste transportation and sewage treatment system known to mankind and providing all the knowledge you need to build one from the ground up.

Irresistible lowbrow humor aside, the Compendium, published in part by the Water Supply and Sanitation Collaborative Council promises to be a valuable resource for engineers and planners throughout the developing world, where waterborne diseases are responsible for as many as one of every ten reported illnesses.

Monk! Fight! Monk! Fight!

2008-11-09T14:22:00.000-08:00

This probably isn't the most hilarious thing I've ever seen, but I'm hard pressed to come up with anything that beats it off the top of my head. The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem plays host to this bench-clearing brawl between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks that would do the NHL proud.

The fight started over a standing quarrel between the Greek and Armenian monks, who share an often tense responsibility for the church with four other sects. After a Greek monk apparently attempted to occupy the Edicule, which is purported to hold Christ's tomb, during the Armenian monks' celebration of the Feast of the Cross. What began as a peaceful protest swiftly degenerated into an old fashioned donnybrook - featuring the servants of God. Though to be fair, if you're going to get engaged in fisticuffs over something, who gets to hang out with Jesus is a pretty solid bone of contention.

Will the pope be handing down suspensions and fines to the monks involved? And who's side is God on here? We may never know these answers, but one thing is for certain: as noble as living one's life in devoted and pious service to God is, the dude in the red robe missed his true calling as a cage fighter. Just sayin'.

Snap Judgment: Zack and Miri Make a Porno

2008-11-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is the latest film from Kevin Smith, and in some ways, that's all you really need to know about it. In other words, if you like Kevin Smith movies, you'll probably like Zack and Miri, which stars Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks as the quintessential Kevin Smith movie couple - a pair of lifelong friends working dead end jobs (badly) and dutifully avoiding anything resembling an adult responsibility. And naturally, they're also totally in love with each other, even though they would never admit it, and, due to being sort of putzy, convincingly don't seem to know it.

Being a Kevin Smith movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno features a cast of adults in various stages of badly arrested development swearing a lot and making dick and fart jokes. There are awkward confessions of love and long rants in which characters loudly reprimand themselves for cramming a seeming lifetime of poor decisions and fuck-uppery into only their late twenties. Since the film revolves around the titular making of a porno, there are plenty of boob shots sure to get the seal of approval from the adolescents and adolescents-at-heart (yes, myself included) who make up Smith's bread and butter audience. Then there are some more dick and fart jokes, the power gets turned off, and somebody gets their face shat on. And for the most part, it's pretty goddamned hilarious. But just below the veneer of this mostly by the numbers romantic comedy is a genuinely touching love letter to independent filmmaking and the power it has to change lives.

It's this subtle sweetness, along with strong performances all around by a cast including porn icon Traci Lords that keeps Zack and Miri Make a Porno from collapsing into a goofy, scatalogical melange and keeps things rolling along for a mostly enjoyable film. That's not to say it's without problems, as evidenced by the stumbling, stereotypical portrayals of black and gay characters in the film, an especially disappointing turn of events in light of the fact that Smith has proven before, most notably in Chasing Amy, that he's capable of penning smart, convincing gay and black characters. It's just that he chooses not to here, and it's a loss to th film. But mostly, things stay above the board in Zack and Miri and audiences are left with a lowbrow, hilarious mirror image of what Michel Gondry's Be Kind, Rewind might have been - an homage to the beauty of filmmaking, and the capacity of creating to help us find who we are. With poop jokes.

The Week's Other Winners and Losers

2008-11-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

In the wake of Tuesday's historic U.S. presidential election, it would be easy to overlook the rest of the weeks news, but there were a few other big victories and notable setbacks this week.

Let's start with the winners:

Old School Reptiles - A nest of tuatara eggs was discovered in a wildlife sanctuary near Wellington, New Zealand. This marks the first evidence of wild breeding of tuataras on the main island in nearly two centuries, and could be the start of a comeback for this ancient reptile which has been on the verge of extinction since the introduction of Polynesian rats to it's habitat in the 1700's. Kudos to you, you dragon-like reptile with a scale covered third eye, and many happy returns.

Endangered Species and Potential Woolly Mammoths - Japanese scientists at the RIKEN Center for Developmental Biology have successfully cloned a mouse from cells that had been frozen for 16 years. While earlier similar experiments have also proven successful, this is the first time that a clone has been created from cells not chemically treated for preservation. This is one more small step forward in cloning technology that could rescue critically endangered species from extinction with just a cabinet freezer and a Hefty bag, according to Robert Lanza of Advanced Cell Technology. It may not be glamorous, but hey, don't knock results, right?
Less pragmatically, it means that the future cloning of long extinct but preserved animals "is no longer science fiction," according to Teruhiko Wakayama, the project's leader. Sadly, Michael Crichton won't be around to see it. R.I.P.

The Internet - While Barack Obama and Democrats nationwide were busily wiping the floor with an ailing GOP, the FCC unanimously approved the opening of the existing 'white space' TV spectrum to broadband providers. The opening of the spectrum, which can deliver a more powerful, Uber-Wi-Fi signal without significantly interfering with television broadcasts, may well usher in a new generation of peer to peer wireless devices and, more importantly, provide under served rural and urban areas with affordable, reliable Internet access.

And lest we get to full of ourselves, a reminder that even after a good week, things ain't all rainbows and kittens. Here's a small selection of the week's losers:

The Environment, At Least in the U.S. - No Longer content simply to fiddle while Rome burns, the Bush administration is spending it's waning days in power taking a flame thrower to federal environmental protections. The administration's current proposals include easing power plant emissions standards, giving a helping hand to the incredibly hazardous practice of mountaintop coal mining and, oh yeah, lowering safety standards for drinking water. So for all you liberals rejoicing in an Obama win and asking "How much damage can Bush do in less than three months?" - the answer is quite a lot, especially since the proposed rules may prove exceptionally difficult to undo.

European Particle Physicists - Illinois' Tevatron particle accelerator may have stolen some thunder from CERN's Large Hadron Collider when it's CDF experiment released a 70 page paper detailing a statistically significant number of experiments which suggest the presence of previously undetected fundamental particles. It's very early to think that they've actually discovered a new particle or process, especially considering that nearly a third of the experiment's 600 participants refused to sign the paper, suggesting that more testing needed to be done. But to their credit, CDF isn't making any claims - they're just presenting a set of data that's interesting, exciting, and could be a huge discovery. And could also be nothing - time will tell.

Fantastic Four Fans - A manned trip to Mars just got a lot safer for astronauts, as researchers have used computer simulations to show that a portable magnetic field generator that could be easily worked into spacecraft design would likely protect the ship's crew from the hazardous effects of 'space weather' they would almost certainly encounter during the lengthy trip to the red planet. And while I'm all for protecting these brave explorers from bombardment by solar wind and cosmic rays, one has to wonder - who's going to save the planet from an army of long forgotten underground beasts when these folks return without super powers?

ICC/USF Vote Nixed - White Space To Go Ahead...Probably?

2008-11-03T22:25:00.000-08:00

It looks like rural cell phone providers will get their wish, or at least a stay of execution - a vote on a big revamp of the structure of the telecom industry has been put off until December, when a lame duck FCC will presumably be too busy getting their resumes in order to make any big decisions.

But despite the best efforts of strange bedfellows Dolly Parton and Axl Rose, it appears that FCC Chair Kevin Martin hasn't buckled on at least one point - the vote on whether to allow white space between TV channels to be and used for wireless computing, a move that could mark a great leap forward in broadband accessibility, will take place tomorrow. With proof-of-concept results arriving last month that demonstrated that wireless computing could, with proper safeguards in place, take place on the 'white space' spectrum without interfering with TV or wireless microphone signals, the FCC looks poised to open the spectrum and allow comunications companies to start playing in a new sandbox.

The upside is that higher quality internet access could be provided to underserved communities across the nation. The downside is that the wireless microphones used by NFL coaches and evangelical mega-church pastors may be adversely affected, making for more exciting, entertaining Sundays all around. Sounds like a chance worth taking.

Secretary in Charge of Ray Guns, Cloning, and Complaining About Vista

2008-11-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

The American Association for the Advancement of Science has sent a letter to Senators Obama and McCain, urging whoever becomes the next President to appoint a cabinet level science adviser, and to do so by Inauguration Day. The AAAS hopes that the next President will "...seek out and rely upon sound scientific and technological advice I and often in the next administration." It's a stance on good science that has been profoundly lacking over the past eight years, with topics like stem cell research and climate change treated as political fodder rather than valid scientific issues.

With McCain choosing a woman who thinks genetic testing on fruit flies is some sort of cockamamie scheme put together by the French and may not believe in dinosaurs, it's no surprise that the GOP candidate has been fairly quiet on the role good science would play in shaping the policies of a McCain administration. But how would this position mesh with the Chief Technology Officer position that Obama would create in his cabinet?

Poorly.

The CTO cabinet position would be primarily an economic advisory one, concerned mainly with job creation via the expansion of broadband Internet throughout the nation, a much less holistic position than the one being urged by the AAAS. Though one of the top presumptive candidates for the position, Princeton computer science and public affairs professor Ed Felten (who has not officially been approached) assumes that the position would also act as a "cybersecurity czar" of sorts. But with it's main focus being entrepreneurial and it's technological aspects leaning heavily towards communications, the CTO isn't exactly what the AAAS had in mind. It remains to be seen if an Obama administration would be open to the addition of another new cabinet post concerned with biotech, burgeoning green energy technologies and the rest of the science world that's easily as important to both policy and economic development in the U.S., and how these advisers would interact with the heads of current bodies like the FCC and FDA.

R.I.P. Studs

2008-10-31T18:19:00.001-07:00

It really sucks when national tragedies occur on days that are important to you, as my friend Scott, born on September 11, will no doubt aver. I had never really been able to share the sensation until today, when Studs Terkel died at his home in Chicago.

Terkel was a legendary oral historian, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, the unofficial poet laureate of the working class and a tireless proponent of worker's rights. Having grown up near Chicago, Terkel was something of a hero to me, one of those grizzled old icons I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still do, and if you want to know why, Studs' classic Working is a good place to start,a phenomenal series of interviews with people from all walks of life. And for a much more through obit of this icon, try this rememberance from NPR's All things Considered.

Dog of Yore, meet... The DOG OF TOMORROW!!!

2008-10-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month, the timeline for the first known dogs was pushed back more than 15,000 years with the identification of a huge, probably domesticated dog in Belgium. The specimen, which subsisted on large game animals like musk ox and horses, places the first dates of domestic dogs into the Upper Paleolithic, though some evidence suggests that this may have ultimately been an early and not wholly successful attempt at domestication, thus explaining why domesticated dogs appear and vanish in the fossil record.

Meanwhile, it's become clear that the future of the dog may not be the Brussels Griffon, as previously thought. It may not even be flesh and blood, if the mad thinker's at the U.S. military's Defense Advanced Research Project Agency (DARPA) have their way. In addition to changes in the BigDog project, a robotic pack mule designed to lighten soldiers loads on long humps in treacherous terrain, the big brains at DARPA have added another canid inspired robot to their wish list, which also includes a stimulant that can keep commando's awake in the field for days on end without any unfortunate side effects.

The latest proposal calls for a series of smaller, ideally autonomous robots which would operate in packs of 3-5, carrying out search and rescue missions, doing reconnassaince work and pursuing the occasional "non-cooperative human subject."
Those of you looking for a Christmas present that will blow poor AIBO out of the water, can see BigDog in action below.

The Fourth Quarter Drive

2008-10-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

News from the land of "Better Late Than Never" - as the Obama campaign concentrates on (and struggles?) to bring young and first time voters to the polls sooner rather than later, Errol Morris has launched People in the Middle for Obama, a late in the day ad campaign that hopes to push remaining fence-sitters into the Democratic camp.

The site features Errol Morris' interviews with "real people" in the center of the political spectrum, telling the filmmaker and viewers why they are voting for Barack Obama. Each interview with a self identified Democrat or Republican voter is framed by the same featureless white backdrop and simple, carousel style musical tune, displaying Morris' signature minimalist style. But content-wise, there's really not a lot new here, with voters talking about being tired of negative campaigning, scared of the state of the economy, etc. And even stylistically, these shorts pale in comparison to Morris' body of short works, like Mayo, which was somehow overlooked for an Oscar.

Meanwhile, not to be outdone by Errol Morris, a groups of Peruvian medicine men has thrown their support behind Obama as well, the BBC reports. And while they may not be a huge constituency here in the states, if there are shamans out there practicing magic and dispelling evil spirits, it's good to know that they're on your side, right?

Goodnight, Sweet Prince

2008-10-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

I always kind of wanted to be an astronaut as a kid, but that had less to do with any passion for space travel than it did with one simple fact: astronauts got all the cool toys. Pens that wrote upside down. Freeze dried everything. Tang. Adult diapers that you apparently get to take home with you. The bells and whistles that NASA supplied for it's intrepid explorers were always second to none. Case in point - this artificial intelligence therapy program.

Created by a former astronaut who now teaches space medicine, the program combines animation, video and audio elements to recreate or summarize difficult or hazardous situations encountered by veteran astronauts. The program is meant to aid in decision making, relationship management and controlling depression in the high pressure environment of a space flight by putting trainees into tough situations and letting their choices make the situation better or worse, a method of training and therapy that should be familiar to anyone who has ever read a Choose Your Own Adventure book.

The results of these tests won't be available to the public, of course, but in my heart of hearts, I like to believe that astronauts aren't that different from the rest of us, and that the first round of testing will be devoted to it's only logical use: seeing how fast you can bring the International Space Station plummeting in a fiery ball back to earth.

And as one means of computerized therapy enters the space age, another goes the way of the dodo as JVC ends production of standalone VCRs, bringing an end to an era in home entertainment. Somewhere, the guy who invented Beta max is smiling grimly and snickering to himself. I shared a lot of good time with a lot of VCRs, from the first time I ever saw Batman to the copy of Pulp Fiction that played perpetually in my first apartment. And as a longtime video store clerk, I get to watch one of my few pragmatic, handyman style skills - dismantling fixing, cleaning and reassembling a VCR - be rendered obsolete before i even turn thirty.

For hardcore VHS fans (you know you're out there) and those who are just reluctant to own copies of Con Air on two separate formats, you'll still be able to get combo players that play DVD and VHS formats. But let's face it - it's just not the same.

I've had friends argue that VHS will never really fade out, and will instead come to fill a home entertainment niche similar to the turntable, becoming a staple in hipster pads everywhere, treasured for it's retro cool and nigh-indestructible recordings. I see where they're coming from, especially when it comes to valuing a medium that can take a beating - I've seen people take some truly heinous actions against VHS tapes, with no discernible damage to the film, something that DVDs But considering how consolidated home entertainment is becoming, from gaming consoles that double as movie players to directly streaming HD video at your fingertips, even the discreet, archaic, indie charm of the VCR may not be enough to keep it in favor forever.

Rest well, good friend.

Bird Eating Spiders and and Particle Physics - Wicked Awesome

2008-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

First, the wicked - an unlucky Chestnut-breasted Mannikin gets snared in the web of an abnormally large golden orb spider, which looks like something out of Starship Troopers.
What happens next is more or less undocumented, as the spider wrestles and then devours the bird, all caught on camera by an Australian retiree whose backyard hosted this scene of pure badassery. You can see a gallery of the rest of the pictures here.

Now, the awesome. I had forgotten all about this until a friend brought it up again at work, and reminded me that it is probably the coolest thing I've ever seen. Everything a layman needs to know about particle physics, dark matter, how the Large Hadron Collider works (when it works) and what it's for, nestled in the warm bosom of five minutes of astonishingly good rap.
Enjoy.

Hell Hath No Fury...

2008-10-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Like a woman digitally scorned. Or at least like this Japanese woman, who, following her divorce in the strange and precocious online world of Maple Story, used her former in-game heartthrob's password to send his avatar to the cornfield.

This is why your MMO load screen always tells you never to give out your account information. Because online, spurned lovers can blink you right out of existence, which one would have to assume they can't do in real life, being that I am still here.

Drugs Are Bad - And So Are Fish, Probably

2008-10-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

Dispatches from the realm of "Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't" - quitting smoking is now officially hazardous to your health. With deaths and drug reactions reaching an all time quarterly high, Pfizer's stop smoking aid Chantix led the pack, with more than a 1,000 incidents attributed to it, including vivid dreams, mood swings, blackouts and traffic accidents. Chantix, which works by blocking the pleasurable effects of nicotine from reaching a smoker's brain has also been linked to suicide attempts and depression, which Pfizer executives have been eager to pass off as symptoms of smoking withdrawal, rather than fairly routine side effects of a drug that keeps pleasure from entering your brain.

Also now bad for you - Chilean farmed salmon, which recently tested positive for crystal violet, and anti fungal agent that has been tenatively linked to... drumroll please ... bladder cancer!

But more dangerous and also cooler than both the smoking and fish living their entire life spans coralled in filthy, infected tropical waters is the Bloodhound SSC, the plans for which were presented today at London's Science Museum. If all goes right, this rocket car, powered by a jet engine, will reach speeds upwards of 1,000 miles per hour, breaking the world land speed record and setting a new bar for the very conept of awesome.

ExoMars Takes a Staycation

2008-10-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

While India's first lunar probe zips through the stratosphere toward glory, the European Space Agency's ExoMars Rover will look on jealously from the ground, which is where it will be for at least the next eight years after the mission, scheduled for 2013, was pushed back three more years. The reason behind this latest postponement is the same behind the recent dulling of ambitious projects worldwide - money, money, money.

Since it's inception as a simple, bare bones mission to the Red Planet, the ExoMars Rover has been run through a space version of Pimp My Ride, acquiring advanced labarotory capabilities to analyze the martian environment, as well as a drill to take deeper core samples. All these bells and whistles have caused the cost of the project to balloon from an initial estimate of 650 million euros to 1.2 billion euros as of today. Italy, who has taken the lead on financing the project, has cried uncle, and since no other nation has ponied up to help the ExoMars Rover liftoff, the rover is in a holding pattern for now.

Hitler Bad, Stalin... Good?

2008-10-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know how this came up last night, (though I'd wager it had something to do with whiskey) but I still feel pretty strongly that it's a topic that merits discussion. In the wake of WWII, America had experienced so much loss that a few things were bound to slip through the cracks, never to be grieved over by families or historians. But there's one small loss, mostly unmourned, that we still have the power to reclaim. I'm talking, of course, about the toothbrush moustache, the bushy tuft of hair directly that sits directly beneath the nose. It's also known as the Chaplin moustache, or The Tramp if you're feeling nasty. And of course, it's also known as the moustache worn by Hitler as he declared war on the world and carried out the most horrific genocides of the 20th century.

This once respected little tuft of facial hair, the moustache's classy answer to the soul patch, has fallen drastically out of favor in the west. Of course, we have Hitler to thank for this, because now no one can sport this lean lip buddy without people comparing them to history's greatest monster. In simple terms, folks, that ain't right. Why should we all be denied the option of free choice in facial hair just because it was worn by a power mad mass murderer? It's enough to ma you wonder just who really won WWII. Because until we, as a society, as a nation, take back the moustache that is rightfully ours, we haven't really beaten the Nazis.

So I'm calling for a mass return to the Toothbrush Moustache. If anyone gives you a line about wearing a Hitler 'stache, you just tell them that, actually, it was a Chaplin first, and then ask if they have any problem with one of Hollywood's most gifted early filmmakers and comic actors. Almost no one does. Hitler took it from us, and damn it, it's time for all Americans regardless of race, color, creed or political affiliation, to stand up and take back what's theirs.

One the other side of the world, but remaining in the "Tyrannical Mass Murderers with Notable Facial Hair", Josef Stalin has been moved from the most popular Russian in history to only the 12th, after an adjustment of the voting system by executives in charge of the poll, taken for the upcoming Russian history TV show "The Name of Russia". Which is better, but the fact that I guy responsible for the mass extermination and starvation of countless civilians under his rule still makes your Twelve Best Historical Figures list still says something a bit disheartening for the state of contemporary Russia.

If A High life Man Falls In The Forest, You Will Not Hear Him Complain

2008-10-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Miller High Life (full disclosure: totally my brand) has brought back it's "limited-edition fall series" ad campaign, bringing you six packs of tall boys in camouflage printed cans perfect for your upcoming fall sporting event. Read: beer that is specially designed for your hunting trip.

For those of you playing along at home, this means High Life has upped the ante on it's own campaign last year of hunter's vest orange cans sold in 24 or 30 can hunting themed cases. But this time around, you can not only get drunker while firing rifles into dense undergrowth - you can be effectively invisible while doing it.

Now, I didn't grow up hunting, unless you can stretch your definition of the sport to stalking Pink Demons through digital labyrinths, so maybe I just don't get it. I mean, I've been on my fair share of fishing expeditions, and I understand the important role that beer can play in the sporting life. The difference being that I'm not likely to mortally wound a dear friend with a rod or reel, unless, I suppose, I was trying really hard. And I know, that, whether I understand it or not, and whether or not it appeals to my admittedly sissified liberal sensibilities, people are going to discharge high powered rifles while drinking heavily, and thus, beer companies are going to base multi-million dollar advertising campaigns, and even brands, around just that pastime. Fine.

But really, camouflage? Did the deer catch on to the orange cans? Are the creatures of the forest this much smarter than us? Have we fallen so far, that we can't even afford the luxury of being able to see one another while we drink and shoot guns? That can't say anything good.

Gearing Up to Lawyer Up?

2008-10-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

I listened to the debate on the radio last night, and thus didn't catch a lot of the facial expressions that McCain was being docked for by analysts. In clips this morning, I see what people were talking about. The Arizona senators aggressiveness was accompanied by an unattractive edginess, something that was especially unbecoming considering the Obama campaigns recent charges of McCain's erratic personality. And that look on TV is something that matters to viewers. Just ask Richard Nixon. That's interesting, because as I listened, I had the thing scored mostly a tie, and it was definitely McCain's best performance - he was on message and on the offensive, and nastiness aside, he did well, though he didn't deliver the game changing performance that common sense says he needed to.

That said, when you base your last month of campaign ads and your entire debate strategy on calling your opponent's readiness and reputation into question, it's hard to put all nastiness aside. I was particularly struck by this startlingly strong comment by McCain that was almost lost in the sea of references to an Ohio plumber last night. (Italics mine)

We need to know the full extent of Senator Obama's relationship with ACORN, who is now on the verge of maybe perpetrating one of the greatest frauds in voter history in this country, maybe destroying the fabric of democracy.

Now, we all expected McCain to be on the attack, and he was. But this line seems like it carries something more. It's the sort of thing I would say if I was staring down the barrel of a loss in the November election and was considering challenging vote counts in close states. With the GOP turning all of their guns on McCain's former friends at ACORN, and McCain himself now talking about the threat to the basic fabric of American democracy that the group represents, it wouldn't be shocking to learn that the campaign was preparing the paperwork for a Bush v Gore style contention.

Am I being too cynical? I certainly hope so. But with raids being carried out on registration offices already, I don't think a challenge of at least one close state is out of the question, though that decision may rest in how close the election ends up being on November 4th.

Protecting Us From Ourselves and Each Other

2008-10-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

Just about any handgun you can buy these days comes with a safety on it. The safety, as it's name suggests, is a neat little device that, when activated, prevents a trigger pull from firing the weapon. And it's a common feature on handguns because people are, by and large, stupid and irresponsible, which leads to us doing things that are stupid and irresponsible while wielding handguns. And if you have to let stupid, irresponsible people have dangerous things that they probably don't really need, then it's at least a good idea and more akin to a public service to at least include an off switch.

And while firearms manufacturers grudgingly arrived at this idea years ago, other industries are just now catching on to the fact that, regardless of what your local Bob Barr supporter will tell you, we do occasionally need protection from ourselves and the stupid, clumsy or ill advised things we get up to. This is the same reasoning that last week brought us a Gmail widget that makes you think twice before sending that slightly plowed rant to you boss or ill advised declaration of true and undying love to your ex. And it's presumably the motive behind the DriveAssist software system from Canadian tech firm Aegis Mobility, a nifty piece of gadgetry for your cell phone that senses when you're driving, forwards your calls to voicemail and won't allow you to call out while you're piloting a half ton of metal and plastic at sixty miles an hour down the freeway. There are certainly plenty of things to work out about the technology, which will be available as a monthly subscription service in the United Kingdom early next year. For one thing, a pay service will probably wind up appealing only to those responsible drivers who need this respite the most.

And there are bound to be technical kinks to work out as well. Will it let you talk on the phone when you're on a bus or train. What about when you're just riding in a car? And there's the rather creepy matter of it being able to tell callers where you are when they call, a cringe inducing feature that will lead to no shortage of uncomfortable explanations from philandering spouses, to be sure. But just like a safety, it's an imperfect solution to but one symptom of the seemingly intractable problem of humans being, but I'd rather someone have it than not.

Signs of the Times

2008-10-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

One day, when I am grey and crotchety and nostalgic, I will sit down with my children's children and tell them stories of simpler times, of happier times. I'll tell them about the blue skies we once lived under, about iPhones that were not nestled cozily within our frontal lobes, and about how peanut butter was once made of actual peanuts, instead of orphans and caulk. And I'll tell them a whimsical story about a time when the National Debt Clock in Times Square needed a mere thirteen digits to record the amount of money we owed to other nations.

"Sure, Grandpa," my platinum blond, telepathic descendants will yawn. "Next you'll be telling us that there was a time when humanity didn't live in constant, mortal terror of destruction at the cybernetically enhanced hands of Pacman Jones."

"No, children," I will sigh, my head bowed in sorrow for the thousands lost the night Jones levelled poor, defenseless Tallahassee. "No. Twas always thus."

The Name Game

2008-10-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

So on the heels of the less-disatrous-than-it-could-have-been VP debate, the McCain Palin campaign has seemingly come to the conclusion that they simply cannot win this election on the issues, a reading of political tea leaves that coincides with recent electoral maps, including Karl Rove's own. So instead, they are going to go big with every smear they can dig up, starting with former radical leftist Bill Ayers, a fellow resident of Obama's Hyde Park neighborhood who has sponsored a couple of fundraisers for the candidate when he was running for state senate in Illinois. Look for Chicago area developer Tony Rezko to be making an appearance in McCain campaign literature shortly, and even though McCain himself has declared the much maligned Rev. Wright off limits, it's not a huge stretch to think we'll see that ground tread a few more times before the 4th of November.

But just as pepople in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, people who have cast their lot alongsidescandalized S&L bankers maybe shouldn't bring up rivals dealings with less than savory characters. In a refreshing swing back at the dirty politics of the McCain campaign, which is so sadly reminiscent of the same mudslinging that derailed The Maverick's Straight Talk Express in 2000, the Obama camp is releasing a thirteen minute documentary on the Keating Five corruption investigation. And one can assume we'll also be hearing more about Sarah Barracuda's cozy relationship with the secessionist Alaskan Independence Party, of which First Dude Todd Palin was a longtime member. Palin has spoken several times at conventions for the party, most recently earlier this year, and has courted the votes of it's members, many of whom still hold a special place in their hearts for party founder Joe Vogler, who hated America so much that he "wouldn't be buried under their damn flag." Interesting fact: was interred in the Yukon Territory following his death during what has been described as a botched plastic explosives buy. Now, having no overriding interest in the overthrow of the government, I wouldn't know what a plastic explosives buy looks like, botched or not. But I would wager that if it goes well at all...you should survive it?

A Few Words with Animator Don Hertzfeldt

2008-10-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

Don Hertzfeldt is taking his latest animated film, I Am So Proud of You, on the road and I got the chance to speak with him a little bit for a feature. As sometimes happens for features, a lot of good interview got cut from the final product, so I'm posting the whole uncut transcript of the interview right here. Enjoy.

Your new film, I Am So Proud Of You, is the second in a planned trilogy that began with Everything Will Be OK. Is it technically a sequel, or a >new exploration of similar themes?

DH: It's the second chapter in a continuing story, but I wanted to make sure that you didn't necessarily have to have seen the first one to understand the second one. It's important for all three chapters to stand on their own two feet as individual movies. So I'm not sure if you'd call it a typical sequel.

How do the films relate to one another?

DH: proud takes place both before and after ok, and sort of plunges into deeper and darker waters.

Are you already at work on the third film in the trilogy, or taking some time off?

DH: probably going to take some time off. i dove straight into proud very soon after finishing ok, but i think i'll need a bit of a longer break this time. i'm still not entirely sure yet if chapter 3 will even be my next project. i had some leftover film so i recently shot a little bit of footage for it, but i guess i'll wait and see how things feel when i get back from touring in december, and what's going to be next.

Your award winning short Everything Will Be OK explores the everyday trials, travails and turmoil of living with mental illness. What compelled you >to take on such a serious subject using a medium that doesn't often get it's due for being an art form capable of tackling mature content?

DH: i've sort of approached the two films as children's books for adults. bedtime stories are there to help kids be less afraid of certain things and to gently let them fall asleep in the dark easier, and in some ways bill's story is there to help adults be less afraid of the things adults are afraid of. they're even fully narrated, like someone's reading them to you. i think there's a kind of innocence the animation brings to what is a sad and difficult story, and bill seems to have become a character that's very easy to relate to. animation can help let ideas slip through the door that otherwise might hit too close to home, people tend to be a little more open-minded watching a cartoon, especially when you make them laugh. it's sort of like slipping the audience their medicine hidden in their sugar.

You're no longer with the Animation Show, which you founded in 2003 alongside Mike Judge. Why not?

DH: it started to get sort of muddled during its third year, when MTV came onboard as a financial partner. i can't say that was in itself a bad decision because without them there might have not have even been a third volume, but it sort of changed the chemistry of everything. it wasn't really a simple animation festival that mike and i programmed anymore. and MTV had their own ideas of what the animation show should be, basically they told us the animation show was boring and wanted us to do an all-comedy show. i realized i was being blocked from programming 75% of the films i wanted to bring to the show's fourth volume and i couldn't really get straight answers from anyone about anything. it all just seemed to be drifitng further and further away from the sort of program it used to be. and mike and i were getting so busy with other stuff it was difficult just to get in touch to talk about it all. it was sad, but leaving the show eventually wasn't a very hard decision to make, you can either spend every day arguing with everybody or you can hand over the keys and just focus on your own work. there's that old saying, "when nobody's got your back, it's time to move your back."

You've long been on record as wanting nothing to do with making commercials – crass product placements aside, is there any cause or ideology you >would consider doing animation for?

DH: yeah if i ever had the time i wouldn't rule out doing something for charity, or an organization i felt strongly enough about

Your particular animation style is imitated with a disturbing frequency – is this a situation where imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or do these >knock offs bother you?

DH: when it comes to all the terrible knock offs you see in TV commercials, they bother me because it seems like most people assume i'm reponsible for them.

You also mentioned on your blog that you're working on a project for TV – any chance you'll talk about the details of what that could be?

DH: it's a mini-series and has no relation to anything else i've done, it takes place about 100 years ago. i'm used to leaping right into projects immediately after coming up with them, but the world of funding for television production doesn't quite work that way so we're still not sure how soon exactly it's going to happen.

You work in a disctintly old school style, animating with pen, pencil and a 35mm animation camera, and doing animation, photography, sound, etc on >your own. How does the equipment you use affect your work?

DH: it's huge, i think i've probably talked about this to death but visually my last few movies would've been impossible without my old camera. and working this way is honestly just more fun. i'd much rather build a shot with my hands and paint and lighting beneath a camera lens than sit and stare in front of a monitor. it's more spontaneous and it keeps me on my toes. remember each short can take a couple years for me to complete in solitary confinement, so anything along the way that keeps me improvising and fresh is going to be a good thing.

You've often played with self awareness in animated characters and the nature of animation on the page and screen. Do you feel like you develop >a relationship with the characters you create?

DH: not really. it's strange to think that after all these years bill is the first character i've ever even been interested in revisiting. i think i'm more prone to develop relationships with the films as little capsules from the time in my life when i was making it. it's a weird nostalgic thing. when i see something ten years old now like lily and jim or billy's balloon, i'm paying more attention to all the memories of where i was in my life when the movie was made rather than what's happening on the screen.

Just one I'm curious about – when theatergoers shout along the lines of Ah, L'Amour, does that strike you as…hilarious? Kind of unnerving? Flattering?

DH: i think it's cool, there's all sorts of culty things people do with the films now and i like almost all of it. it can be surreal but i like seeing them take on lives of their own. people in the costumes, with the tattoos - everything will be ok tattoos now - i just like hearing that those connections are being made. it's the main reason i'm heading out on tour now with the new one. eventually putting your movie on TV or the web will bring you much bigger audiences, but you can't actually be there with them to see it working, you know? with a new movie, especially after taking so long to make, it's really important for me to actually see it unfold for people and be there when it happens.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2008-09-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

And sometimes, you don't even get what you desperately need, eve in if you only need it because you made a big deal of needing it.

By now you know that the sound you hear, as of a great roar in the distance, is the world economy struggling for survival as the US stock market drags it beneath the water like a great crocodile, pinning it's already ailing victim in the bottom's silty mud and letting its last spark of life ebb away. After a record 770 point drop on the DJIA, Japan's Nikkeei and Hong Kong's Hang Seng index both took might wallops, losing five percent of their respective values within minutes of the start of trading, though the Hang Seng managed to recover during the day, closing up almost a percentage point. European markets are the latest in line for a pummeling, with (prepare your shocked face) banking sectors most hard hit, with recent Lloyd's of London acquisition HBOS losing 12% of it's value, and the Royal Bank of Scotland ended the day down 6%. Overall, most of the major European exchanges fell slightly overnight.

So now the financial scary go round comes full circle, and it promises to be another harrowing week day for Wall Street investors. With members of the House taking some time off for Rosh Hashanah, it will probably be at least Thursday before any sort of new plan even has a chance. Lawmakers on the hill are scrambling to put together a new package, but it remains to be seen if this one will be any more palatable than the one that is so unpalatable to voters across the board that most members of Congress won't touch it, even while the financial sky is falling. And that's really bad news, considering that whether or not this bill's passage was necessary when it was proposed, it certainly seems to have become so for the sake of the global economy being able to once more think the happy thoughts on which it survives.

A couple closing thoughts -

- Though she's being derided as a naysayer (go figure) by House Republicans for her speech before the vote, Nancy Pelosi didn't say anything that most of her colleagues - especially the House Republicans who voted against the final bill by a 2-1 margin - weren't thinking or saying.

- John McCain's staffers were eager to make sure their guy got his due credit for getting enough votes in line to pass a palatable bill. Now that all eight House Republicans from his home state of Arizona voted no, will he get his share of the blame?

You Got Mouse In My Pig! No, You Got Pig In My Mouse!

2008-09-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Between the "Will he or won't he?" presidential debate and the American economy undergoing total protonic reversal, it's easy to understand that quite a few noteworthy stories got swept aside this week in this week's news cycle. Here's one such interesting tidbit - the FDA has released a proposal for regulating genetically modified animals. And by genetically modified, we mean an animal that has had genes or DNA sequences taken from another animal or microbe and inserted into it's genetic sequence. And by regulated, we of course mean not labelled as what it is. For those of you playing along at home, this means that the government has taken the first steps toward allowing livestock that has been altered on a genetic level into the food supply, meaning that your fast food hamburger may have been tinkered with in a lab before it arrives on you plate.

In a sense, this is old news, or at least a foregone conclusion. Making live stock bigger, stronger and tastier has been a long term goal of agribusiness since there has been agribusiness - in a sense, biotech enhanced animals are just the next logical step from animals that are pumped full of growth hormones, treated with antibiotics from birth and fed on high fat, high protein diets that increase yield. But this next step is a doozy, transforming animals on the most basic level, making their bodies do think that nature never intended. Still, with the pre-eminence of genetically engineered food crops in today's market, it was only a matter of time until we saw GM livestock enter the marketplace.

Needless to say, bioengineering animals can produce positive results, such as pigs that whose manure is low in phosphates that contaminate water supplies around the world. No one would be sinking billions of dollars of research and development money into bioengineering projects if great (and profitable) results weren't a possibility. Likewise, it would be silly to assume that the people working on these projects are mad scientists, rubbing their hands together and cackling wildly about the havoc their transgenic creations will wreak upon the world.

But the FDA proposal as it stands reeks of boundless optimism, giving biotech companies the benefit of the doubt that all of these animals are safe for human consumption in the long run without actually feeding them to any humans. Until, that is, you buy you're next side of smoky, delicious bacon made from a pig that has stopped passing phosphate in it's stool.

As the proposal stands, which you can read here stands, FDA regulators would have to approve any genetically modified animal before it entered the food system. Companies like Massachusetts based Aqua Bounty Farms, which has is seeking a patent on a strain of Uber-salmon that it would like to sell to you would be required only to prove that the product they are selling is still almost entirely a salmon in every meaningful way. Perhaps most disturbingly, in the name of trade secrecy, no peer review of the animals concerned will be required.

On the plus side, think of all the incredible animals we'll soon be able to eat! Love the taste of veal but hate the dirty looks you get from fellow patrons and servers? Those are a thing of the past when older cows can be just as tender and succulent after a long, happy life on the range. Have you always wanted the low calorie goodness of chicken with the taste of a tenderloin? We can make that happen. And Kirk Cameron, after long last, will be free to dine on the moist, gamy flesh of the croco-duck. Truly, this is a brave new world.

The Big Bust

2008-09-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

All too soon after a beautiful beginning, during which all of its proton beams fired true, super-cooled substances have brought about our downfall once more, and it will be spring before the Large Hadron Collider gets turned on again. After a blown transformer caused a leak of liquid helium inside the world’s largest particle accelerator, it became clear that the problem, inside a part of the collider that runs so cold it will take weeks to return to room temperature, would not be fixed by the time the CERN staff leaves on it’s winter vacation in November. Stupid helium.

This means that dark matter, Higgs bosons or tiny black holes will be created by the LHC until the spring of 2009, leaving us all wondering, for at least a few months more, just what IS the nature of the universe?

But on the other hand, the thing didn’t implode the universe on activation, so for right now, it’s probably safe to call the situation a wash.

R.I.P. - Irony in Politics

2008-09-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

After 26 year Washington veteran John McCain accused Barack Obama of being a beltway insider this week, you might have thought the campaign couldn't get any more ironical.

You would have been wrong.

Recently, Republicans in Fairfax County, Virginia asked themselves a question. "Who do we know who can really reach out to minority voters in our area?" And the resounding answer came back - Confederate Flag waving, noose displaying former Senator George "Macaca" Allen, who will be a featured speaker at a minority voter outreach event this weekend. This is really the absolute limit - it's so balls out stupid that it's just sad - right before it crosses back over to being funny again. That this is the person the GOP thinks represents their best chance of pleading their party's case to voters, then they're is in even bigger trouble than we thought.

Meanwhile, if the Grand Old Party is looking for someone to help get out the youth vote in Florida, can I make a reccomendation? Former state representive Mark Foley, who has demonstrated an unparalleled skill in connecting and developing dialogue with young males - albeit not quite those of voting age.

Making Your Money Work For... Someone, Somewhere, Presumably

2008-09-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today saw markets around the globe soar, mostly on the happy thoughts of investors whose moods have been buoyed by a U.S. plan to rescue American financial markets from the consequences of a decade of fast and loose money management. The hope is that the plan, whose speculated cost runs somewehere in the trillions of dollars, will, like Homer Simpson's ample rump, "turn a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three Mile Island" of economic collapse.

So what will the plan to stem Wall Street's bleeding and keep the current kerfuffle from growing into a full fledged fiasco look like? We don't know yet. We do know that it will cost a lot of taxpayer money, without a guaranteed payback of said funds. We know that President Bush today called for the speedy passage of legislation "as quickly as possible without adding controversial provisions that could delay action," which one can assume means that the administration doesn't want to see any meaningful penal measures that would make investment banks think twice before doing anything like this again. Whatever the end plan is, it will involve borrowing more cash from China. We'll probably know exactly how much is going to be spent by early next week, as Bush assured the American public, like Fed Secerarary Paulson before him, that lawmakers will be working through the weekend to cleanup a mess it took them years of lax oversight to make. Which is admirable, even if you have to wish they'd stop acting like they deserve medals for coming into work on Saturday.

So, other than spending your money, what is the government doing about the financial crisis? They've also prohibited short selling of 799 financial stocks for the next two weeks. This move was lauded by investment banks like Morgan Stanley and Goldman, who in the past have made money for their clients (and thus themselves) by... you guessed it - short selling stocks. Naturally, when they do it, this is a good thing for the economy, but when it's done to them, the sky is falling. But taken together with banks that are soon going to be artificially propped up by government funds and false confidence, the facts that some of the best watchdogs for corporate malfeasance and dodgy accounting (keep in mind it was short sellers who brought about the falls of companies like Enron and Worldcom), and it may be a while before we really know what sort of damage has been done to the economy. and that means it will be even longer before we even start fixing it.

Ridiculous

2008-09-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

A short list of things you should not, under any circumstances, do while texting:

- Cook a meal

- Order dinner from a server

- Drive your car

- Manage your finances

- Drive a goddamned train

Condolences to the families of everyone the 25 who passed away and the hundreds who were injured because this conductor couldn't wait ten minutes to find out "What R U doing 2nite?"

Now, if you'd asked me a couple of weeks ago whether we needed technology that made trains more or less capable of operating their own brakes, I would have told you no, it seems like STOPPING AT A RED LIGHT is something so basic, so throughly ingrained in our collective psyche, that people who have presumably been trained to operate commuter trains, or at least given a brochure one how to do so at some point, would be well capable of doing so. But apparently, as is so often the case, it appears that we must bring in robots to do jobs that we're too stupid to do safely and reliably.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fine

2008-09-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

The Large Hadron Collider goes live in just a few hours, so I figured I'd whip out a quick blog post because...it may be my last night on earth and I apparently want to spend it on the Internet? Deep dark sick things that says about my personality aside, I've been looking forward to the CERN particle accelerator starting up for years now, and I'm brimming with anticipation.

Since it's generous to say that I have a layman's understanding of the actual science involved in the project, suffice it to say that when the 27 km long LHC is up and running, it will essentially recreate, in a laboratory setting, a small scale version of the universe just after the Big Bang. This will, theoretically, allow scientists to better understand the nature of dark matter and dark energy that make up most of the universe, and provide clues as to the nature of the Higgs boson, or 'God particle,' which theoretically gives explains why objects have mass. In simplest terms, the groups of experiments that are about to start will hopefully tell us why stuff is stuff, and also give us a hint as to just what stuff that isn't stuff is. For a better explanation of this, you can visit the CERN website, where you will once again be reassured that the LHC won't do the other thing it could do - annihilate reality as we know it.

There's a really small chance that this will happen, but the (drastically oversimplified) theory goes that, if you recreate the Big Bang, it will do what Big Bangs do - create a new universe. Naturally, there won't be enough room for two universes, and our old crotchety universe will be dragged out into the street, beaten and left for dead. Now, though this prospect if frightening, it's nothing to panic over for two reasons. First, there is an incredibly tiny chance it will actually happen. And second, if it did, the universe would end so quickly that we wouldn't even have time to register that it was ending, thus rendering the entire exercise moot.

And while I would miss...well, the universe, it would be almost worth the vanishing of all things everywhere from all of time/space to prove that the exclusion theory was right. It would mean that when living beings discern the meaning and nature of the universe, that universe is instantly destroyed and replaced by a new universe with completely different rules. And frankly, I think I could die happy if I died knowing that Doug Adams was absolutely right about everything all along.

Aside from a) leading physicists to a much sought after unified field theory or b) erasing everything that ever was and leaving no more trace behind than a faint cosmic residue, there's a third option - that researchers find something completely unexpected. There could be something out there that throws all of understood physics for a loop, which would be really frustrating for theoretical physicists and really exciting/terrifying for the rest of us. Imagine just throwing out the entire rule book for How We Think Things Function At The Most Basic Level. And on the plus side for theoretical physicists, they would still have jobs! And all of us would get to start together from square one trying to figure out what everything is made of and what it all means.

I think that sounds really nice.

Whatever happens, I look forward to writing more about it once we know what 'it' is. Until then, if you can read this, the world is still pretty much the same, except for that it might be utterly different at it's very core. And if not, well then, it's been nice knowing you. Not all of you. But most of you. And that's good enough.

Mazel tov and goodnight, everybody!

Fire for Effect: Garth Ennis and The Punisher

2008-09-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

Every comic fan has a hook moment, a single panel in which a casual reader becomes a subscription box filling fan for life. For some people it’s Batman materializing out of the shadows of a rainy alley, or The Hulk wiping out a city block with a gesture. For the romantic crowd, it might be Gwen Stacey dying out in Spiderman’s all too human arms, while for many of the distaff fans, it’s Wonder Woman simultaneously putting a madman behind bars and Superman in his place. But for me, the moment I knew I was hooked was a fairly modest (by comic book standards) exploding yacht. But it wasn’t a laser blast or super powered punch that decimated the boat, belonging to a terrorist gun-runner. It was a well planned, expertly timed jet ski loaded with explosives, piloted by none other than Vietnam veteran turned merciless vigilante Frank Castle - The Punisher. I remember thinking for the first time “Oh, man – you could actually DO that!” It was one of the coolest things that had ever occurred to my fragile nine year old psyche.

The Punisher made sense to me. He was everything the superheroes I came up on weren’t. Lacking superpowers, he had to be smarter than his foes, better prepared, and willing to go to lengths others would not. He was brutal and efficient, killing criminals without compunction and using every means at his disposal to do so, laying waste to legions of drug dealers, pimps, smugglers and murderers with everything from knives and chains to assault rifles rocket launchers and Mack trucks. He didn’t have the luxury of mucking around with wisecracks, one liners, or hand to hand combat. This method of crime fighting also meant that, a few persistent vendettas aside, The Punisher avoided the miasma of personal drama that seemed to drown some characters. This single minded obsession with his war on crime and his black and white sense of justice and the made the character totally terrifying – and utterly compelling. I was hooked.

Last month, without much fanfare or acclaim, Garth Ennis’ epic, eight year run on The Punisher came to an end. Though Ennis can’t be credited with literally bringing the character back from the dead (that dubious honor belongs to Christopher Golden), Ennis reinvigorated the character, among Marvel’s most poorly handled properties. After long, solid runs by scribes like Mike Baron and Chuck Dixon, Frank Castle, like so many compelling Marvel characters of the mid-nineties, took a nose dive in quality. This disastrous handling culminated in an inexplicable switching of sides in which the vigilante became a mob enforcer, taking on superheroes and Nick Fury’s SHIELD in Marvel’s ill-fated Edge imprint before being resurrected at the inception of the Marvel Knights series, now possessed of supernatural powers and tasked by the heavenly host to do what he does best – kill criminals. Each of these attempted revamps puttered and ended up in discount crates along titles like Darkhawk and Sleepwalker for all the right reasons – they mostly sucked, and managed to render a uniquely visceral and exciting character leaving one of Marvel’s most compelling characters to languish.

Until 2000, when Garth Ennis, fresh off his award winning and name making series Preacher, received a carte blanche takeover of the character, five years after his widely panned but now classic What If…? style one-shot, The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe. With the relative freedom of the adult themed Marvel Knights imprint, Ennis and Preacher penciller Steve Dillon brought the same moral ambiguity, finely honed storytelling, over the top violence and pitch black humor that the duo discovered working together on chain smoking, ass kicking archmagus John Constantine in Hellblazer and perfected in the pages Preacher to The Punisher, and fans ate it up. Frank Castle was back, and in the finest of form. He was a cold as ice killer, a badass of few words, using gasoline, grenades, shotguns and the Empire State Building as weapons in his renewed crusade against New York’s crime families, just in the first issue. It was everything we could have wanted and more.

In addition to the comic relief provided by Detective Soap and Lieutenant von Ricthoffen, the hapless and harried two person task force assigned to apprehend The Punisher, Frank was…funny. For the first time, the ultimate vigilante had a sense of humor to match his sense of purpose. Sure, it wasn’t a real “Ha-Ha” sort of funny. More “Oh, man would that hurt!” funny, each issue a sort of dire and deadpan Three Stooges episode. With flamethrowers. It was gallows humor taken to it’s ultimate conclusion. The mission remained, but readers got the idea for the first time that Castle really enjoyed what he did. That this was not just a killer or a crime fighter, but an artist at work with a belt fed M-60, whose medium just happened to be legions of unlucky and underpaid goombas. Some characters shoot people with a rifle – The Punisher conducts a symphony with one.

But even in Welcome Back, Frank, Ennis’ seminal and mostly light hearted, if ultra violent, story arc, the seed of something much darker is there, something scarier than even the violent past of The Punisher we know. When Frank finds himself at death’s door once again, his mild mannered neighbor, drawn into the holocaust that is his life, poses a simple question – why does he kill bad people. Castle’s answer couldn’t be simpler. “I hate them.” Gone are the classic pretensions of making the world a safer place, or even of taking revenge for his family, cut down by mob violence. “I hate them,” says Castle. And we believe him. We understand the flipside of the joy Ennis has let Castle find in his grim work. After decades of a mostly solitary life, killing is all he knows how to do anymore. Even the funny moments, watching Frank bemoan Giulani’s newly cleaned up New York City or feed a mob boss to a trio of pissed off polar bears, one gets the sense that Frank enjoys what he does too much, that without the heinous criminals he defines himself against, he’d be lost. Ennis’ Punisher doesn’t just wage war on criminals – he needs it to keep going.

After 37 increasingly dark but just as often hilarious issues of The Punisher on Marvel Knights, Ennis moved the title to Marvel’s adults only MAX line with a four issue miniseries Punisher: Born, which Ennis himself called “…the darkest, most brutal, vicious and uncompromising thing I've ever written.” Born revamped the origin of The Punisher, forever transforming the character and leaving an indelible mark on franchise whose only other distinguishing marks are mostly just stains (see also Dolph Lundgren). With an ‘Adults Only’ series, Ennis was free to make the character, and the trials he faced, as twisted, vulgar and violent and as he could, and this series marked the end of one Punisher era and the beginning of another, one that took both character and reader places that simply couldn’t be explored before. Gone was the jaunty gallows humor of the Marvel Knights series, replaced by an in depth character study of a broken man and his lifelong devotion to a gruesome task. Devoid of the sense of dark humor that had buoyed the earlier series, this Punisher is a damaged individual with no aversion to torture, a seemingly limitless capacity for pain and no qualms about murdering friends and allies should they fail to abide by his strict moral code. In Born and the 60 issues that followed, Frank Castle became something both more and less than human; he becomes a terrible weapon looking for a target, a weapon forged much earlier in the hellish crucible of Vietnam.

Ennis’ Punisher becomes even more misanthropic and hell bent than the characters earlier incarnations. Rather than obsessed with vengeance, or with stopping crime, The Punisher is an extension of the Thanatos instinct, though Ennis himself would probably think me an asshole for framing it in geek-speak. Put plainly, Ennis’ Punisher is a man looking for something to kill. Rather than being a reason for his crusade, the deaths of his loved ones are simply an excuse. With nothing left to live for, Castle became The Punisher not because he was seeking justice for his family, but because it let him kill. Freely, without regret and with only his own shattered moral compass to answer to, Frank Castle pitted himself against the world. He hasn’t stopped since. He can’t.

Ennis’s final story arc, Valley Forge, Valley Forge, brings his run on The Punisher full circle, completing another link in the cycle of violence that began on a desolate hill in Vietnam. Ennis, a war history buff who explored Vietnam and the experience of it’s American vets briefly in Preacher, explores Frank Castle not as a hero, and not even as the hard edged anti-hero he has so often been handled as, but as a terribly damaged war vet, obsessive and psychotic, a brutal and cartoonish exaggeration of the thousands of veterans who have returned from the battlefield but never really came back.

And in Ennis’ swan song on the book, it’s appropriate that the character takes a back seat to the war that created him. Ostensibly the concluding story sets The Punisher on a collision course with a shadowy group of generals who, in their haste to cover up their war profiteering and unspeakable crimes, make him the target of a special forces unit, knowing that Castle, at his heart, is still a soldier, and won’t kill those that he still considers innocent comrades. But this tale shares time almost equally with excerpts from a book about the birth of The Punisher in a doomed encampment in Vietnam. As the arc and Ennis’ run on The Punisher winds down, this story, that takes longtime readers back to the pages of Born, comes to the forefront. The issue 60 finale features a grand total of five lines from The Punisher, whose inner monologues, to be fair, have always been stronger and more prevalent than his chit-chat.

Visually, the arc is tamer than normal, with pages upon pages eaten up by text and Goran Parlov’s blocky, nourish figures going at it with kid gloves on. There are some striking panels, most notably a bas masked, baseball bat wielding Punisher dismantling the forces sent against him. But for the most part, the violence of the present takes a back seat to the violence of the past in Valley Forge, Valley Forge, an arc which eschews gunplay and fireworks for a series of mostly effective if slightly heavy handed emotional gut punches. And while Castle racks up a fair body count in this final arc, his most gruesome work is done off camera. Instead, the reader is treated to TV news clips of the war in Iraq, far more graphic than any the military would actually let be aired. And as these and other soldiers continue dying in new wars, earning new profits for new masters, and continue coming back home to bleaker and bleaker prospects, the forces that created The Punisher will remain. Castle will go on killing, a force of nature running parallel to the worst in us, whose last Ennis penned line is an assurance that his war will go on forever.

The Barracuda

2008-08-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

For the last few years, I’ve lived in a college town with a high percentage of Alaskan students. This being the case, I’ve had Alaskan roommates, professors, drinking buddies and Greyhound seatmates fairly regularly for some time now, and while I don’t pretend that this makes me an expert on the one of a kind politics of the Great White North, I can certainly fake it if somebody hums a few bars. That said, I, like many Americans, know almost nothing about Sarah Palin. And that's because there is precious little to know. Palin is a self described "hockey mom" and evangelical Christian who got involved in politics almost accidentally, moving from the PTA to City Council in Wasilla, Alaska before taking over as mayor of the town of less than 10,000. She r won her first gubernatorial campaign running on a campaign to cut spending and clean up government and became Alaska's youngest governor and first female governor in 2006. But what does she really stand for?

Well, one way she managed to save money was by cancelling the construction of the infamous Ketchikan 'bridge to nowhere' - and keeping the federal money for use on other projects. This is apparently what passes for "telling Congress thanks but no thanks." In her short time as Governor, Palin has also developed an unnerving knack for replacing officials who make decisions she dislikes, from the state Board of Agriculture and Conservation to a Public Safety Commissioner who refused to fire a state trooper in the midst of a messy divorce with Palin's sister. So while I’d like to believe that the Palin pick is a silly one that will ultimately hurt the Straight Talk Express, I’m not sure I believe it. It’s a silly pick to be sure – a huge vote of confidence in an untested official from a state whose Republican Party is utterly crooked and notably unpunished for it. But will it hurt the campaign?

That has been worrying me more and more all weekend. First off, I don't think the Public Works commissioner firing hurts her as much as I feel it should. People just don’t much care about Public Works commissioners in states they’ve never visited, especially ones that they often mistake for Canada. The fact that the state trooper she was trying to get canned was by all accounts not exactly a peach shouldn’t be an extenuating circumstance, but it’s certainly not going to help people take the matter more seriously.

The second problem is bigger, and it is this. Earlier, I'd said that Joe Biden wipes the floor with a half term governor with no foreign relations experience or exposure on the public stage. But here's the thing - America doesn't like to see pretty girls get picked on. If Joe Biden goes at Palin with both guns blazing come the Vice Presidential debate, as he would have with Mittens or Pawlenty, he risks coming off as a bully. If he doesn't, then the best the Obama/Biden ticket can come away with from the VP debates is a draw, which frankly isn't good enough. So the question is can Biden land a Lloyd Bentsen-esque knockout punch without looking like he's swinging? The guys good, but if he's that good...well, he probably would have been nominated president by now. Neal Kinnock, where art thou in our hour of need?

Finally, we come to the disgruntled Hillary supporter issue. I firmly believe that even the most disgruntled Hillary voters are not disgruntled enough to see through this gross and pandering sham of a VP pick. I think that most of these people will end up voting the issues, and understand that a fanatical anti-abortion crusader who believes that creationism should be taught alongside real science and who is, via her Selleck mustachioed hubbie, literally in bed with the oil industry does not have the best interests of Jane Q. Soccermom at heart. I think that, disillusioned as they may be, most women who went from supporting Hillary to disappointed fence sitting are smart enough, savvy enough, politically aware enough and virtuous enough to see through this frankly offensive ruse.

That said, anytime I need to believe that many good things about people, I tend to come away disappointed.

But in the interest of full disclosure, Palin loves the Obama energy plan – it says so in a press release that’s since been removed from her website – luckily, you can still access it in Google’s cache for now, here. Thanks, Google!

Wowzers

2008-08-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

So, Sarah Palin is the official pick for the VP of the Republican ticket. Never heard of her? You're not alone.

This is being described as a Hail Mary pick, and that's probably fair. But this is not a graceful Doug Flutie wing and a prayer to the endzone. It's more akin to a Rex Grossman, third and long unthinking heave into mid-air. It's a pass off the back foot, made by a stumbling candidate who's panicking under pressure.

A lot is being made of the impact this pick will have on disgruntled Hillary cupporters, but I don't see it. The argument is that women across the nation will choose a fanatically anti-choice creationist with a year and a half of experience as Governor of a sparsely populated state with a history of major governmental corruption (to which Palin has made her own notable contribution as of late) to be the next in line to be President... because she's a woman. Which is just about as offensive to Clinton supporters and, frankly, women in general, as one can get.

I don't think any Clinton supporters are really that disgruntled. The Palin choice may help to energize women who are already in the Republican base, but that base consists for the most part of people who already believe that President Obama will confiscate every firearm in America and enforce mandatory abortions to pave the way for the coming Islamic invasion. The point being, you're probably not picking up a ton of votes here.

The timing is an inspired way of stealing bounce from a great speech by Barack Obama who, in front of a TV audience of 38 million, finally went on the attack against McCain. And ain't it about damn time. The Obama campaign is to be lauded for it's valiant efforts to remain above the fray of the typical presidential smear campaign, but at some point this high mindedness is just going to reduce a great candidate to a punching bag. So far, apart from a couple of ads regarding McCain's housing situation, Obama's campaign has remained frustratingly above the fray. This is American politics, and when someone hits you in front of a crowd of people, you hit them back. It's time to loose the hounds and draw some blood. McCain is not George Bush, but he represents a continuation of his ruinous policies, and that deserves to be said. And with the appointment of an inexperienced vice presidential candidate, McCain just made his age a valid campaign issue. The man is unlikely to make it through two terms, and that means that everyone who is thinking about voting for President McCain has to consider that they also may be voting for President Palin. And I can't wait to see what a debate with Joe Biden makes that prospect look like.

Snap Judgment: Son of Rambow

2008-08-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

On the heels of his first feature, 2005’s critically bashed but not half bad adaptation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, director Garth Jennings is hitting from the other side of the plate in his latest effort. Son of Rambow leaves behind the territory of the sci-fi epic in favor of a coming of age tale that’s charming and kid friendly but has enough genuine laughs that it avoids getting stuck in the “aw, shucks” territory that it could have occupied.

Son of Rambow follows two British youngsters, hooligan Lee Carter and quiet, religious Will Proudfoot. Both boys are navigating the path to manhood without the benefit of a father figure. Instead, they find John Rambo to latch onto, and in their raucous, harebrained remake of First Blood, they find strength in one another, supporting each other and bringing one another’s dream (such as a menacing flying dog) to vivid life. And while Jennings is apparently unable to leave his music video background completely behind, which results in a couple of fantasies and dream sequences that are out of touch with the rest of the film, the film within a film crafted by Lee and Will is an unabashed love letter to the joys and catharsis of filmmaking.

And yeah, it’s all a little pat, especially with a third act that you’ll swear you’ve seen before. And some moments will have you scratching your head, like a pee wee new wave club that’s apparently nestled in the halls of a British prep school. But warts and all, Son of Rambow is a fun romp through the perils of childhood that even the most cinematically hard hearted can find themselves warming up to.

Snap Judgment: The Fall

2008-08-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

I walked out of The Fall thinking about some things that I don’t understand, and here are just a few.

I don’t understand why director Tarsem Singh has directed only one other feature length film, 2000’s visually stimulating but otherwise abominable Jennifer Lopez vehicle The Cell.

I don’t understand why Lee Pace doesn’t get more work in film.

But mostly I don’t understand why more movies like this don’t get made. The Fall is hands down the most beautiful film I’ve seen this year; Tarsem’s eye for stirring landscapes and intriguing, surreal images creates some of the most remarkable sequences put to film in recent memory. Images like a blood soaked burial cairn set against a stunning desert horizon seem like they’re pulled right from a dream, or, in the case of the stunning and all too briefly explored Labyrinth of Despair, a nightmare.

Indeed, these scenes are crafted in the mind’s eye of Alexandria, (played by the adorable and perfectly cast Cantica Untaru) the precocious, charming and wily young migrant laborer whose broken arm keep her confined to a hospital in sun washed 1920’s L.A. It’s during her stay here that she meets Roy Walker (Pace), a silent film stuntman who recently lost his legs performing a foolhardy stunt.

Determined to take his own life but powerless to put his plan into motion, Roy enlists Alexandria’s unwitting assistance. As he begins weaving the story of 5 legendary heroes, the bored and lonely girl latches on to the tale, becoming as much storyteller as audience. Eventually, she reluctantly fetches the morphine that Roy needs as much as she needs the escape provided by this epic tale that Roy’s simple story becomes to her. It’s through her eyes that we see Roy’s fantastic tale unravel, and she also provides the frame for the story inside the hospital. It’s refreshing to note that, while less awe inducing than it’s more mythic counterpart, is compelling and carefully crafted, and some of the film’s finest performances take place not in the shimmering fantasy, but the shady and isolated hospital corridors.

But the fantastic elements of the story take the cake. From an elephant swimming through a sapphire reef to a daring raid on a desert caravan to the legion of ebon helmed warriors that floods the staircases of an Escheresque courtyard, The Fall presents one breathtaking image after another, topping itself with grace and ease. Through Alexandria’s imagination and Tarsem’s innovative and masterful vision, we too become enraptured by Roy’s story, staring at the screen slack jawed and moved beyond all reason. Ultimately, The Fall succeeds because it succeeds in making one remember the sense of wonder that we watched movies with as children. I can pay it no higher compliment than that.

The Nature of the Beast

2008-08-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that Robert Christgau might not know what business he’s in.

In his National Public Radio review of Blame it on Gravity, the latest album by the Old 97’s, Christgau decides to spend a good chunk of time openly wondering whether some of the songs on the album reflect actual troubles in the lovelife of frontman Rhett Miller. That’s a reasonable speculation for a music critic to make, great. It's a standard, is somewhat pat, observation. What rankled me was the fact that Christgau follows this statement almost immediately by stating that he’s “not in the gossip business,” and patting himself on the back for not publicly speculating on the condition of marriage.

Now I’m not saying that the gossip business is a bad business. It’s a fine business, nobler than some and better than most. But it is what it is, and when you talk about rock stars for a living, you, my friend, are in the gossip business.

Let The Hate Flow Through You: Towards a Finer Understanding of Irrational Prejudices

2008-08-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I learned to hate Zack Snyder. It's not for his lukewarm remake of George Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead. It's not even for his universally overrated adaptation of Frank Miller's 300, a blissfully short film stretched to a terminally long trainwreck by slowing down every action scene to a slow motion crawl. It's not even because I'm pretty sure he's going to trim the incredible story of Watchmen to a whiz bang seminar on how to use CGI effects to make people forget that you're not actually telling much of a story. I find all these things annoying, certainly, and I think they are all reasons to dislike Snyder. And I did. But up until yesterday, hate would have been far too strong a word to describe how I felt about the guy.

No longer.

So what happened? Zack Snyder didn't do me any personal slight in the last twenty four hours. He didn't punch me in the nose or publish a snarky blog post about me or puncture the tire on my bike. In fact, I'm sure Snyder is a perfectly nice guy who calls his mom every week and would never dream of kicking a puppy, even an ugly one. But yesterday, in an NPR interview about the return of Brett Favre, I found out that Snyder is a Green Bay Packers fan. And as a life long Bears fan in the mold of Bill Swerski, I am thus honor bound to dislike the guy.

I put it to you that there is nothing wrong with this.

While I, like any other liberal arts major in the U.S., abhor racism, sexism, and pretty much all "-isms" as a matter of principle, I firmly believe that hanging on to a couple of bone deep long held prejudices do much to build character, to give one a complete and fully realized personality. In this day and age, so much of our identity is tied into the things we like. The bands we listen to, the clothes we wear, teh food we eat - we display the things we like for all to see. But what we dislike, we hold closer to our chests. But as any playmate questionairre teaches us, our dislikes say as much about us as anything we enjoy.

Now, like any properly prejudiced person, I have a few buddies who are gold and green diehards. Some of my best friends and all that. I've learned, through effort and practice, to play down my distaste for this deep and basic personality flaw. I like having beers with these guys. I would be sad if any of them were struck by a heavy object moving at a high velocity, and I would make the appropriate hue and cry. But at the end of the day - well, it's like knowing someone you're close to is a pathological liar. There's not much the poor bastard can do about it, sure, but it's just sort of an oily thing for a person to be.

And why shouldn't it be so? Does this hate make me a bad person? No, it doesn't. It makes me a person who doesn't like things, and we all don't like things. Lots of things. People who, in the year of our Lord 2008, still cannot use an ATM, bad grammar, the clicking of pens, people with no inside voice, cell phones in movie theaters - these are all things that incur our wrath, and rightly so. But rather than grit our teeth at these petty irritations as polite society dictates, I'm urging the opposite. Embrace your hate. Be comfortable with the things that annoy you. As Peter Finch would put it, "Get mad as hell!" and don't feel bad about it. Because it is as much who you are as your loyalties, your loves and your My Top Rated playlist. And it deserves a little respect.

On Disturbing Trends

2008-08-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

So, prior to last week, I can't recall the last time I heard about someone being decapitated. I understand that people die all the falling off of buildings and being struck by leaping sea rays. But I thought that, like powdered wigs and print news, were a thing of the distant past, that had gone out of style along with the guillotine.

I was wrong. In the last week, there have been a pair of horrific murders in vastly disparate regions of the world sharing this common thread - after the were finished stabbing, the assailants severed the heads of their victims and displayed them to terrified onlookers.

On Thursday, Vince Weiguang Li, a 40 year old Canadian newspaper delivery person with no prior criminal history sat down next to Tim Mclean on a Greyhound bus travelling from Edmonton to Winnipeg. Li then proceeded to stab his 23 year old seatmate to death with what one witness termed "a Rambo knife." After terrified passengers abanodoned the bus and sealed the murder and victim inside, Li proceeded to decapitate McLean's corpse and calmly carry the severed head to the front of the bus. Further reports imply that Li, while dismembering the corpse, may also have eaten his victim.

Fast forward to today, when a 35 year old as yet unnamed suspect on the tiny Greek island of Santorini was apprehended after being shot several times following a high speed car chase. And just why was he being chased by the police at a high speed? Well, because he killed his girlfriend and then went for a stroll along the streets of his village holding her decapitated head in his hands. Which is the sort of thing that tends to impel people to report you to the police.

While 2 reports in a week is probably not necessarily a spree, it's a little troubling to think that otherwise normal people separated by continents both decided to cut off people's heads. Here's hoping this isn't exactly a trend.

In other news, Russian author and dissident Alexander Solzhenitsyn died today aged 89, with his head still presumably attached. If you haven't read A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, you should really check it out. Brief, stark and stunningly told, I read it when I was 17 and it's stayed with me ever since, one of two books (along with Jack Abbot's prison memoir In The Belly of the Beast) stolen from a high school civics teacher that almost made up for the horrendous class.

Thermals News = Excessive Slavering

2008-08-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

Lots of Thermals news recently, which always makes me a happy camper. After being transformed into stuffed dolls earlier this month, and releasing two demos from their upcoming album they've finally replaced erstwhile drummer Lorin Coleman - with Jar Jar Binks, god help us all.
The band has a more or less final track listing for their upcoming album Now We Can See, even if, after turning down a two album deal with Sub Pop, they don't exactly know who's going to release it quite yet. Hutch Harris in a recent interview with Pitchfork:

...Kathy [Foster] and I just felt that we needed to go it alone again, for ourselves, for our "art," if even for just a short while. We've considered releasing the record ourselves, or licensing it ourselves to different territories. We are currently talking to many great labels, one of them being Sub Pop. It's still my favorite label.

Since every Thermals album seems to be even better than the one that preceded it, it's no surprise if labels are tipping over themselves to license Now We Can See, which should be out before the end of the year. And if you needed another reason to be super psyched about a new Thermals album, it's being produced by The Paper Chase's John Congleton, which promises to make for a darker album than Thermals fans are used to.
And if you can't wait for new Thermals to hear more from Kathy Foster, don't despair - September 23 sees the first album in five years from All Girl Summer Fun Band. Hooray!

Snap Judgment: When You Are Engulfed in Flames

2008-07-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

Just finished David Sedaris' latest inevitable contribution to the NYT Bestseller list. What can I say - it'd David Sedaris, and if you like David Sedaris, you're going to have fun with it. The author's ruminations on spiders, mortality and battles of will waged in airplane seats are by turns wryly amusing and deeply disturbing, but the book makes good in it's finale, The Smoking Section.
Sedaris's trip to Tokyo to curb his decades long smoking habit is confessional without being cloying, and his eye as an American abroad is as sharp as ever. His travel writing is the best since Me Talk Pretty One Day, and one can't help but compare the two pieces. Language school once again proves a comedic goldmine for Sedaris' neuroses plagued mind, but he channels his difficulties into pieces that rank as some of the best observational humor out there.

You Never Call Anymore!

2008-07-28T17:55:00.001-07:00

Barabk Obama arrived home from his whirlwind tour of the Middle East and Europe over the weekend to equal parts criticism and laudits.

On the plus side, he improved his foreign affairs cred - meeting with Petraeus and Maliki in Iraq and Hamid Karzai in Afghanistan. He was also seen with lots of world leaders, looking very presidential - which is apparently both a blessing and a curse. There seems to be a lot of talk about how he seemed to presidential - seen as arrogant or as one put it - too equal.

This "arrogant" stuff is getting pretty thinly veiled as a way of attacking Obama for - well, essentially for being a black man demanding to be taken as seriously as his white competitor. And it's only gotten worse as he's had the gall to steal the media spotlight from the McCain camp. There's a danger, certainly, in reading racial undertones into every criticism of Obama. But the description of Obama as arrogant has crossed the line between criticism and coded speech.

Meanwhile, McCain continues to harp on the media for covering Obama, sounding more and more like an unpleasant relative complaining that no one ever calls anymore. After spending his week kvetching about the media covering Obama's noteworthy trip, McCain apparently didn't feel the need to do anything particularly media friendly. While Obama discussed economics over lunch with a cavalcade of economist including Warren Buffet, McCain... held two fundraisers in Claifornia. That ought to get those cameras rolling.

CBS Glimpses The Inner the Workings of Viewers Minds - Remains Unimpressed at Results

2008-07-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the miracles of modern pseudo-science, network and advertising executives at CBS can now test the effectiveness of their advertising and programming in new and scary ways. Namely, the network can take a peek inside that fevered subconscious of yours to measure the almost certainly detrimental effect of TV commercials on your fragile psyche. Or at least that's what their new advertising consultants at NeuroFocus would like us to believe.
Based in Berkely, California, Neurofocus uses EEG technology to measure viewers' brainwaves, providing them with information on attention levels, emotional engagement and retention in memory to demonstrate not only the effectiveness of advertisements as a whole, but even what scenes or sounds in an advertisement are the most effective. And by directly measuring brain response, rather than having audiences press a button or turn a knob, NeuroFocus claims to be more accurate and less invasive than focus groups and traditional methods of measuring audience response - as long as you consider wearing an electronic skullcap with matching circuit board nose piece invasive.

It's not just CBS that's interested in NeuroFocus. Venerable ratings company Nielsen, struggling to maintain relevance and credibility in a market where online advertising and viewers who don't watch their TV shows on a television, made a significant investment in NeuroFocus earlier this year.
The only problem is that neuroscience remains a very young science, and the ability to measure data doesn't necessarily equate to the ability to interpret it usefully. Most memory retention studies, for instance, have only tested retention over a period of a few hours or so, and while EEG readings can tell definitively whether viewers are engaged by an image or phrase, they can't tell marketers why the advertisement is engaging, or perhaps more importantly, whether viewers were enjoying what they saw or enraged by it.
All this leaves aside the issue of the ethical dilemma created when plumbing the depths of the brain for the sake of hocking merch. The moral gray area becomes especially murky when you then place the information you got there into a "Neuroinformatics Database" that allows marketers to target increasingly narrow segments of their audience. More focused advertising that targets the subconscious is enough to make anyone a little squeamish, and in an interview with NPR's Morning Edition, UC Berkeley neuroscience professor and NeuroFocus consultant Robert T. Knight was a bit evasive when asked if NeuroFocus was a step towards some sort of consumer mind control, trying to clarify that NeuroFocus is only kind of into mind control.

"...are we going to help an advertising industry produce a clearer crisper ad? If you want to call that mind control, then we're into mind control."

Knight goes on to clarify, saying that

"... in terms of making you pick something you don't want, for a reason you don't understand, I would never want to go there."

Which is chilling, of course, because it is exactly what someone would say if they were planning to control your mind at some point.

A Dying Cubs Fan's Last Request

2008-07-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm a sucker for novel internments, like being turned into a diamond a coral reef or being shot into space. I've never been much one for an afterlife, and I like the idea of doing one last interesting thing with my mortal coil.

But as cool as things like this are, as a long suffering Chicago Cubs fan, there's probably only one place I'm really going to feel at home - The Bohemian National Cemetery on Chicago's North Side, where the friendly confines of Wrigley Field provide a background for your eternal slumber. The cemetery will create a 24 foot ivy covered wall strikingly similar to center field at Wrigley.

Would You Trust This Man To Teach Your Children Transfiguration?

2008-07-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

For futuer reference, this is Radovan Karadzic. He's a recently captured fugitive and war criminal who was the first man ever connected to the term ethnic cleansing. He's going to be on trial for overseeing the the murder of thousands of Muslims and ethnic Croats in Sarajevo and Srebrenica in the Bosnian war of the 1990's.
Now that this is clear, can we all please stop comparing him to the Headmaster of Hogwart's School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, who, to my knowledge, never committed genocide against anyone? Thanks.

On Conspiracies, Both Vast and Less So

2008-07-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama's foreign policy coming out party kicked into full swing today, as he followed breakfast with soldiers stationed and a meeting with troubled Afghan President Hamid Karzai with his first interview. CBS foreign Correspondent Lara Logan got first crack at the Senator - Huff-Po's got a quick breakdown and the video here. Katie Couric, Brian Williams and Charles Gibson are all waiting patiently in the wings for their shot at Obama, and meanwhile, as if on cue, pundits on the right are crying "Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy."
I’m not going to deny that Obama gets more coverage than McCain – the numbers seem to bear that out. What I am going to deny is that more coverage is some sort of tacit endorsement of a candidate, as the argument seems to go. The media loves Barack Obama not on the strength of his policies or his politics, but on the strength of his story. The historic aspect of being the first African American presidential candidate aside, Obama is a young, photogenic, son of an immigrant who has skyrocketed through the ranks of the Democratic Party. That’s a newsworthy story whether you’re an Obama supporter or not, which, if full disclosure is needed, I am. Put up against a former Republican Party maverick who’s running to core party values as fast as his aging legs will carry him and is noted for not being exactly pally with the press, and it’s a pretty easy call for any page editor as to what’s going to make a more engaging story for readers. And engaging stories sell newspapers, something newspaper editors and owners famously enjoy doing.
My distaste for McCain aside, Obama’s trip is newsworthy on it’s own – he’s trying to make a splash on foreign policy, the only issue on which McCain consistently trumps him among voters. And for as much coverage of Obama as there is, much of it is critical, portraying him as a foreign policy neophyte, which can’t trouble the Straight Talk Express too much.
And let’s remember – this is not about McCain being ignored by the media. We hear about it when McCain goes to South America, when he addresses the NAACP, when he does things that are noteworthy. And considering that McCain will almost certainly speak with Gibbons, Williams and Couric during the course of the campaign, complaints about Obama being interviewed on the nightly news seem just a bit disingenuous. He’s a presidential candidate, for God’s sake! Being interviewed on the nightly news is pretty standard operating procedure.

And now for the small conspiracy, which is the fact that conservative talk radio hosts are secretly attempting to destroy my fragile brain. This week, Michael Savage took on the number one scourge of liberty, freedom and prosperity – sick children. In a rant you can listen to here if you’re so inclined, Savage declares that autism a developmental disorder affecting hundreds of thousands of children and their families just in the U.S. is

" a fraud, a racket. ... I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.' "

There’s also a great bit about high asthma rates in minority communities being a product of a massive cough faking campaign. My personal favorite quote from the piece - “If I behaved like a fool, my father called me a fool…don’t sound like an idiot.” As if we needed any further proof that conservative talk radio is where irony goes to die, and then rot horribly.
Naturally, Savage’s handlers have already arranged his contrition and issued an apology, but let’s face it – we heard his opinion on the matter when he was on air, not in a later press release.
While annoying and ignorant, Savage is simply a symptom of the current super saturated media environment, in which any brainless, hateful palooka with a big mouth can go on the air and call people liars and frauds. Luckily, it also results in this site, where I can call Savage a liar and a fraud…and an asshole for good measure. There are plenty of people telling you to call you local Savage affiliate – here’s a fairly thorough list, if you want to find yours – and register you’re complaints, but it seems that just asking for him to be chastised or taken off the air lacks imagination. Personally, I’m going to call and ask that Savage be beaten with a length of pipe. Or have his eyes pulled out by crows. I mean, as long as we’re asking for things that won’t happen, let’s go hog wild, right? Meanwhile, stayed tuned to Savage Nation for more classy, well educated commentary on this and other burning issues. Like elderly grandmothers on social security! Have they no work ethic? Didn’t anyone ever tell them not to be poor? Much less old!

That's What I'd Be Doing, Anyway

2008-07-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl enters it's third week at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 chart, fending off Lil' Wayne and Coldplay alike.
In the meantime, Jill Sobule broods in a dark room, waiting for the right time to exact her terrible vengeance.

The Secret Satire Burial Grounds

2008-07-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume everyone has seen the cover of this week's New Yorker. This seems to be one of those rare bits of media gold that everyone can bash on equally. I've had a couple of conversations with people about this cartoon - and let's keep that in mind, just for one moment, that this is, at the end of the day, an editorial cartoon - and by and large, the reaction seems to something along the lines of "It's over the line, but I couldn't tell you exactly why."
And frankly, on a gut level, I'm inclined to agree with this assessment. Something about the piece just seems beyond the pale, for no reason I can put my finger on. For me, the problem might be the depiction of Obama's wife, Michelle, which seems even more loaded than that of Obama himself, pictured in traditional Muslim Garb. Barack is campaigning to become President of the United States - that being the case, he opens himself up to a nearly undending slew of criticism. Some of it will be well intentioned, some of it will be tasteless and vulgar, some of it will be cruel, and some of it, inevitably, will be downright racist. I'm an Obama supporter, and as such I choose to believe that he understands this and is capable of taking it. But showing the most reluctant potential first lady in recent memory as a radical terrorist seems deeply out of bounds. That said, I think it's fairly safe to assume that Michelle Obama is not crying herself to sleep over this cartoon either. She understands that it's a media open season on her entire family, and that this will probably get worse before it gets any better.
Now I agree that it's a fairly insensitive piece of satire, but that's what it is, and let's not lose sight of it. As for the argument that people won't understand it as satire - I find that a little bit insulting. As with any piece of art, people are going to make of this what they want. They are going to determine how to take it. That doesn't equate to people not being smart enough to understand the artists intentions. It just means that the artists intentions don't exactly mean much. Which, at the risk of getting all po-mo, is why we're making such a big deal of this, really. Beacause while it was meant as one thing, it's going to get twisted into another. With pretty much everyone weighing in on the matter, it already has.
And while liberals cry foul over the racially charged nature of the piece and conservatives try and turn this into a slight against the right, rather than against Obama, everyone somehow manages to miss the point. That being that there are a lot of shopping days until Christmas, and presidential campaigns don't get less ugly as they plod along through the collective political conscious. This is far from as bad as it's going to get, and the Obama camp would do well to brace themselves. Chances are, we haven't seen anything yet.